December 31st I was driving home before 8am and I was listening to Beirut and my window was down and cold wind was blowing on my face and for the first time I can remember I felt hope. I felt happy - not ‘less sad’ but HAPPY - and like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders that had been there so long I barely noticed it anymore. I smiled and then I cried.
January 1st I had a perfect day. I had crazy wild awesome sex, then I drank coronas in a pool, skinny dipped listening to big star and nakedly made out in the sun underwater while the Amelie soundtrack played. then we watched star wars, had a curry and fell asleep. it was bliss.
January 2nd I realised this year may be my first without depression. I don’t want to die; not just
that, but I want to live. I want to feel things and explore places and be in love. I’m going to be happy and I’m looking forward to the future. I look at IKEA catelogues and plan my little perfect house and what beds my kids would need and imagine myself helping people in a job I love.
I’m happy.
